A New Black America

When do you call it quits in a marriage? We all have expectations in love and life. When is it ok to draw the line and give up on a marriage? Do you leave someone when they don’t meet your expectations or do you push thru and accept them as they are? Yall weigh in. The divorce rates are through the roof!

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 We have been discussing the idea of whether women your sex or their bodies as a bargaining tool, but what about the other side of the coin? Are there men who use sex to control women? We have all heard about how women… can be more emotional, and more easily “sprung”. So is this true folks?

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Love or Finance?

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As I sit here and prepare for my day, I reflect on the black woman, and how I see her smile less and less frequently. Mean glares, scowls and frowns are plastered on the faces of many women. So whats …the deal? Are we tired, angry, fed up? Or have we simply forgotten how to smile?

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No matter where you live, if you spank your child, you risk lowering his or her intelligence (or IQ). That’s according to new research presented on Friday at an international conference.

Researchers found that children in the United States who were spanked had significantly lower IQs four years later compared to those who were not spanked.

“All parents want smart children. This research shows that avoiding spanking and correcting misbehavior in other ways can help that happen,” lead author University of New Hampshire professor Murray Straus says.

“The results of this research have major implications for the well being of children across the globe.”

The researchers based their results on a nationally representative sample of 806 children ages 2 to 4, and 704 children ages 5 to 9. Both groups were retested four years later.

IQs of children ages 2 to 4 who were not spanked were 5 points higher four years later than the IQs of those who were spanked. The IQs of children ages 5 to 9 years old who were not spanked were 2.8 points higher four years later than the IQs of children the same age who were spanked.

“How often parents spanked made a difference. The more spanking the, the slower the development of the child’s mental ability. But even small amounts of spanking made a difference,” Straus says.

Straus also found a lower national average IQ in nations in which spanking was more prevalent. His analysis indicates the strongest link between corporal punishment and IQ was for those whose parents continued to use corporal punishment even when they were teenagers.

Straus and colleagues in 32 nations used data on corporal punishment experienced by 17,404 university students when they were children.

According to Straus, there are two explanations for the relation of corporal punishment to lower IQ.

First, corporal punishment is extremely stressful and can become a chronic stressor for young children, who typically experience corporal punishment three or more times a week. For many it continues for years. The research found that the stress of corporal punishment shows up as an increase in post-traumatic stress symptoms such as being fearful that terrible things are about to happen and being easily startled. These symptoms are associated with lower IQ.

Second, a higher national level of economic development underlies both fewer parents using corporal punishment and a higher national IQ.

The good news is that the use of corporal punishment has been decreasing worldwide, which may signal future gains in IQ across the globe.

“The worldwide trend away from corporal punishment is most clearly reflected in the 24 nations that legally banned corporal punishment by 2009. Both the European Union and the United Nations have called on all member nations to prohibit corporal punishment by parents. Some of the 24 nations that prohibit corporal punishment by parents have made vigorous efforts to inform the public and assist parents in managing their children. In others little has been done to implement the prohibition,” Straus says.

“Nevertheless, there is evidence that attitudes favoring corporal punishment and actual use of corporal punishment have been declining even in nations that have done little to implement the law and in nations which have not prohibited corporal punishment,” he says.

“It is time for psychologists to recognize the need to help parents end the use of corporal punishment and incorporate that objective into their teaching and clinical practice. It also is time for the United States to begin making the advantages of not spanking a public health and child welfare focus, and eventually enact federal no-spanking legislation,” he says.

The research results were presented on Sept. 25, 2009, at the 14th International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma, in San Diego, Calif.

Reference:

Straus, M.A. & Paschall, M.J. (2009). Corporal Punishment by Mothers and Development of Children’s Cognitive Ability: A Longitudinal Study of Two Nationally Representative Age Cohorts. Journal of Aggression Maltreatment & Trauma, 18(5), 459.

Source: University of New Hampshire

The American Dream…True or False?
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I woke up this morning happy to be alive…yet seriously pondering the American Dream and if/when it will cease to exist as we know it.

We all have heard the story about the things that “Every American” should strive to acquire at some point in their life:  A higher education, 2.5 kids and a dog, a piece of real estate, and the ability to make good old fashioned apple pies (or peach cobbler for some black folks…lol).

But when you really think about it, you must ask yourself:  How realistic is this “dream”?  In reality, the educational system appears to have given us a false sense of security… How many college students will graduate this year after spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on their education to not be able to secure employment?  How many single family homes are there where one parent is struggling to carry the weight of raising children on their own?  How many people are massively over-weight and dying from the effects of consuming too much “all-American” food?  And lastly, how many people are being smothered by the state of our real estate market?

I am not complaining…because America is a great place to live (most of the time). But I am just wondering what the American dream really is…and if we have been fed something that is simply not true.  When I purchased my home almost 3 years ago, I never would have imagined a day when my property value would be THOUSANDS less than what my house WAS worth…and I never would have imagined being forced to live in a property that I may have outgrown because I cannot sell my house to a smaller family without taking a massive loss.  And I would have NEVER guessed that I would be paying hundreds more for my mortgage than the people down the street who just decided “the hell with the American dream” Im outta here!

Yes it may seem like I am venting…but I really would like to know…is the state that we live in an American dream or a nightmare?  How long should we hold on to that which we thought we should pursue?  Should we hold on to our dreams or create new ones?

Your thoughts please…

Vernicia Malveaux
www.anewblackamerica.com

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Now that the book is complete, the feedback is flowing in.  Apparently folks are really enjoying the book!  Please weigh in and share your thoughts, concerns, insights and anything else you are feeling about the book.  We want to hear from you!  Chat with you soon…Vernicia

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Most single people are dealing with some very interesting issues these days.  Not only do we have to worry about the traditional problems such as cheating, lack of motivation, in-laws, or a person’s friends interfering with our relationships, we have this new animal that has a spot at almost every dinner table, and that is the internet.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THIS HILARIOUS VIDEO!!!

All over the world people are spending more and more time on social networks, and less time actually interacting with other human beings.  Of course black people inevitably take it to the extreme sometimes…YES I SAID IT! 

So I am curious to know if anyone, just like me has in the past struggled to maintain balance between the virtual world and reality.  I remember a day when all you could do is ask your man if he was cheating or try to catch him in the act.  Now you have the ability to see whose pictures he or she comments on and what they may be up to based on their status.

This video is absolutely HILARIOUS…yet it really does point out some of the issues that exist today as it comes to the internet.  Please weigh in.  Is the internet evil, or is it just a part of life that we all need to accept?

Please weigh in…

Vernicia M
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Is Sex the only thing that sells???

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Hey you guys didn’t think I was just going to stay in the PG area did you? Offfffcourse not!  What is on the brain today is something that has boggled my mind for years.  Ok, so as you all know, I just released my new book:  A New Black America.  As a woman of color, I feel like I am trying to accomplish many things, and set a good example for my daughter…blah blah blah.  The thing that really trips me out is REGARDLESS of how I carry myself like a lady, try to be respectful, try to make sure that I send the “right message” at all times with what I wear, I STILL cant escape getting treated like a piece of meat from time to time.

Wait now, don’t get me wrong.  There is nothing like a desirable stare from a man to make a lady feel attractive, but my issue is this:  Do we as black folks take things too far?  I mean seriously…I am really concerned and want to hear what people have to say.  Let me break down a few examples of what I am talking about…

1. The drooler- Ok ladies, you all know this guy; this is the boy/man that acts like a dog in heat with just about every woman he encounters.  Sure there are many men who are well within their rights to pursue what they think is attractive, but so many of our men take things wayyyy overboard.  I went to the gas station the other day and you would think that I was naked the way these guys whistled at me and followed me to the car.  I just don’t get it!!!  When did we get to the point as people when we can’t tell if we are making someone uncomfortable?  Guys complain about women having bad attitudes, yet they fail to see what it is like being on the other side of the fence and not getting a MOMENT of peace.  It is bound to make a woman cranky at times.  And this section isn’t just about busted men either.  There are many attractive men who can get any woman they want, yet still have no control over their drooling and constant “dog in heat” behavior”.
2. The wanna be video vixen- Ok this is the woman who often fuels the man aboves behavior. This type of woman has seen so many music videos that she has convinced herself that her only added value to society is to be as sexy as humanly possible on a daily basis.  She craves as much attention as possible from men…and the scary part is that she often leaves many other areas of her life undeveloped.  Come on ladies, seriously…there is nothing wrong with being sexy, but when spend every waking minute of our life trying to look like the lady on the strip club party invitation, what message are we sending to our men?  We wonder why our men don’t know how to behave themselves, it’s because they are only feeding the appetite that we create in them.

Hey, I like being sexy with the best of them…but I think its sad that if I said I was posing for King magazine I would have thousands of hits on my website by now…but hey, I am simply writing a book!  I could go on and on about this topic.  Ladies and gentleman, please share your experiences…are we over-sexed?  I wanna hear from you!

Check out my website for topics like this and get your copy of MY NEW BOOK! 
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Vernicia Malveaux